Seriously? Is this January?

I haven't been in as big a rush to get out of work since they were giving away free 5 pound bricks of cheese at the courthouse in Litchfield, MN back in 1983. The temperature at 4:30 was 64 degrees! So I left my desk a mess and flew like a bat out of hell. I got home just in time for a brisk, 30-minute walk as the sun was setting, and the moon was rising. I even took the dog for a walk later. Could we just keep this weather? I wouldn't mind a no-snow winter!

Keeping it Real

So many blogs I read suffer from excessive sappiness. They convey to all of blogdom the illusion that the writer's life is one filled with raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and bright yellow packages tied up with string. In other words, perfection. I know better. I know that even the most gallant husband occasionally farts in bed. I know that kids screw up - sometimes badly - and then argue that you're the idiot. I know that a mother's heart doesn't always swell with pride - sometimes it breaks into pieces. I know that money doesn't grow on trees, and that hard work doesn't always pay off.

You may have noticed that this blog has been dark as of late. The last few months have been a bit rough, and I've struggled with what to write when everything isn't rosey. Sister Mary Patrick's words from 2nd grade haunt me: "If you can't say something nice don't say anything." Some of you have asked what has happened to the blog, and I've claimed to be too damn busy, which is partially true. The rest of the truth is that I'm worried that you really don't want to hear me whining about my problems. But this is where we are right now, so I'm choosing to occasionally expose a bit of what is real. It may be ugly. And even stinky. Here are the facts:

• The job that Al took in August lasted about two months. It was not a good fit, so he quit and has been a stay-at-home dad since. Al has been traveling through some dark days. Walking alongside him has not been fun. Some days I don't want to do it.
• Brent still doesn't have a steady job. Though he is amazingly able to get by on nearly nothing and can tolerate conditions that most of us wouldn't, I worry about his future.
• I found out on Thanksgiving that I'm going to be a grandmother!! Darrin and McKenna are expecting in July, and I couldn't be happier! But McKenna has been so sick, and I feel so helpless to know what to do for her. I just pray the cloud lifts for her soon.
• David's enlistment date has been moved up by 2 months to January 23. He's decided he needs to cram in all the partying he can in his remaining days of freedom, and that has led to some conflict at our house. Hearing the garage door open every night at 4 a.m. doesn't give me a very good night's sleep, so I'm a little cranky at times.
• Hannah, who is almost a dream child, is sensitive to all of this. It breaks my heart to see her cry when carelessly-chosen words are spoken.
• Work is as demanding as ever - maybe moreso. 10-12 hour days are the norm, and being a boss means not every decision I make is popular. The hospital has become the safety net for every social ill, and I worry about the safety of my nurses sometimes. Being the sole bread-winner has its own set of stressors, but I am genuinely thankful that I have a job at a time when many people do not.
• Food is my drug of choice, and I've be using it a lot more as the stress level has been higher. I've packed about 15 pounds onto my already pudgy frame, resulting in my highest nonpregnant weight ever. Ugh.

Those are the things I can share. There are other things that I will not share in case I decide to run for President someday. My theme for 2012 is Victory (see yesterday's post.) Victory implies a battle. Battles are hard, and dangerous, and scary. But therecan be no victory without a battle. So into the battle we go - sometimes unwillingly; sometimes nervously; sometimes scared out of our minds; and sometimes with hopeful enthusiasm. I'm trying to make it the latter.

A New Year ~ A New Start

For the majority of 50-some New Years past I've begun the year with resolutions. I've resolved to lose weight, exercise more, read my bible every day, encourage more, criticize less. I muster up a burst of fortitude and shoot out of the gate at a full sprint. But somewhere around Valentine's Day (or earlier, if I'm truthful) I run out of steam. It's a discouraging and demoralizing cycle. So this year I'm taking a slightly different approach. No resolutions, though I intend to make some significant and lasting change. I'm starting at the end. I'm crafting a battle plan; one that includes specific strategies. I'm taking small, and measurable steps. Like the tortoise, slow and steady wins the race. And win I will.

I'm calling 2012 "The Year of the Battle." It is a year that I'm going to stop feeling defeated. I'm going to rise up, take arms, and beat the crap out of the enemies (many of my own making) that threaten my health and well-being. Enemies like bad eating habits, a sedentary lifestyle, fear, discouragement, anger, complacency, and prayerlessness.

In January, I'm beginning Optifast - a medically supervised weight loss program. I'm investing a significant amount of time and money into myself. This program will begin as an 18-week "reboot" of my physical health. I view this as a prerequisite to the rest of the work that needs to be done. It means that I will need to do things very differently. It means that I will not be participating in the annual February Birthday Bash (or at least not eating the food.) I hope that everyone will understand.

In this battle, I am surrounding myself with a team of supporters. Some are friends and family; others are fellow soldiers in the same battle. I hope you will be one of my supporters. I may occasionally blog about how the battle is going. There will be defeats along the way, I'm sure. But I'm not planning to quit. I'm giving you permission to give me the kick in the pants I may occasionally need. And once in awhile, a hug would be nice too.

Mind mapping is simply a way of brainstorming. Wikipedia defines a mind map as a diagram used to represent words, ideas, tasks, or other items linked to and arranged around a central key word or idea. Here is my mind map that outlines my word for 2012 - Victory.