Exactly 50 years ago today – April 5, 1959 – I made my first appearance on the planet. I love those websites where you can look up important events in history. So I looked up what was happening in 1959. Here are some highlights:
•Alaska became the 49th State of the United States
•Hawaii became the 50th State of the United States
•Fidel Castro came to power in Cuba, creating the first communist state in the west
•Mattel's Barbie Doll was launched
•NASA introduced America's first astronauts, John H. Glenn Jr, and Alan Shepard Jr., to the world
•The US Grammy Music Awards started
•The last musical from Rodgers and Hammerstein "The Sound of Music" opened on broadway
•The chartered plane transporting musicians Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper crashed in a snowstorm near Mason City, Iowa, killing all four occupants on board.
People have asked me how if “feels” to turn 50. My first response is, “Where the hell did the time go?” Seriously. If I look back, here’s what the timeline “feels” like:
If you do the math, Brent’s birth should be almost midpoint on my timeline, but it doesn’t FEEL that way. Somewhere around 1982 I jumped onto a runaway freight train careening down a mountain. And it just keeps gaining speed. Frankly, I wish it would slow down a bit so I could enjoy the view.
I had a lot of things I had hoped to accomplish by the time I turned 50. Most of them I’ve achieved. Some I haven’t yet. Some I never will. For some people, like my dear husband, turning 50 was just another day. I, on the other hand, believe that some days are meant to be celebrated in a bigger-than-usual way. My family and a few friends surprised me Friday afternoon with an informal gathering at our house. I know that it took a lot for Al to plan it, and I was genuinely surprised and touched. Everyone that came leads a super-busy life, and I was honored that they carved a little time out for me.
But last night it hit - the sudden realization that, as Al puts it, I’ve just passed the 50 yard line and the end zone is in sight (with Al everything is either a sports or poker analogy.)
A very dear and deserving friend, who also turned 50 this past week, posted her birthday party photos on her Facebook page. There were at least 50 people there. They were all people I knew, dancing and having a blast. I felt like a jilted teenager who hadn’t been asked to the prom, and I realized that I probably don’t have 50 real friends to my name. Perhaps I’ve collected a few degrees, published a few articles, and achieved a certain amount of status in my career. But it may have been at the cost of what really matters – close friends, a healthy family, a strong marriage. And as my husband was laughing it up with his online buddies so loud I could hear him from the basement, I had a private meltdown in my bedroom.
This morning I went to church at Walnut Creek Community Church. Josh McDowell, world renowned author and speaker, was conducting a series of talks. Darrin led the music to open the service, and the band was definitely playing their “A” game today. As I allowed the music to infuse my spirit I realized that it is for THIS that God has brought me to this day - to see His work in and through my son. In that moment I recalled a time some years ago, when Darrin was in his teen years, that I asked God for a day like this. “If you will grant my children the faith to walk in your will, Lord, I can ask for nothing more.” While I may not have everything on my childish wish list, I have been truly blessed.
I guess turning 50 isn’t so awfully painful after all.
