The Airing of the Grievances

My brother-in-law, Dan, has made sarcasm an art form. Last week he introduced me to a holiday I had missed while I was changing diapers in the Seinfeld era - Festivas. If you missed it like I did, here is a summary.



I was particularly attracted to one tradition of this fine holiday - the annual Airing of the Grievances. "This is it!" I thought. "The solution to the 'Bah Humbug' that overtakes me each Christmas!" So I've decided to give it a try. Who knows - perhaps it will become an annual December 26 tradition....

1. Al, I love you honey, but please cease with the Office Depot clearance gifts. At least take the price tag off so I don't know you paid less than a dollar for a Christmas gift. For pete's sake, it costs more to wrap the dang thing!
2. Kids, show a little gratitude, will you? If you hate something I give you, simply smile, say "Thank you, Mom!" and return it for something you like. Lie and tell me how much you love it, but that you'd prefer one in a different color, or a different size, or a different language.
3. And while I'm addressing the kids, it wouldn't hurt you to pitch in a little and help with the preparations. If you hadn't noticed, putting together the Christmas Eve meal is a heck of a lot of work. Don't show up in time to shove it down your throat and say, "When do we open presents?" If you want to win brownie points, come by the day before and help clean house.
4. To those of you who send Christmas cards, if you can't write even a simple note, don't bother. Hey, I understand how busy this time of year is, but seeing pictures of your family, reading your sometimes overindulgent letters, or even getting a simple note of well wishes is vital to my mental health. But those of you who only sign your name to a card are wasting the postage. I'd rather get a phone call.
5. To the snowplow driver...if you plow in our driveway one more time there's gonna be hell to pay! Shoveling out for three days in a row has been a bonding experience for Al and I, but what a backache!
6. To Brent, Darrin, and David...you should be ashamed of yourselves for letting your aging parents shovel out ten feet of snow by themselves while you were nestled all snug in your beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in your heads. What if your father had a heart attack?
7. Neighbors and friends...your generosity is touching, but if I get one more batch of fudge my thighs are going to explode! If you are compelled to bring food, how about some Christmas veggies? Or better yet, bring a fruitcake. I won't be tempted one bit by it and will feel no guilt in throwing it away.

There. That was cathartic. Actually, since I know that less than 10 people follow this blog, and none of them are on the list above, this Airing of Grievances has most likely fallen on deaf ears. Oh well. That's just as well. You know it's all just in good fun, right??

Christmas Morning - 4 a.m.

We had barely dug out of the last blizzard when the weatherman predicted another winter storm. It was reputed to be a storm that even Rudolph would be unable to navitate. Our neighbors to the north fell victims to its fury, but here in Des Moines we suffered the moderate inconvenience of a half-inch or so of sleet covered by about 6 more inches of snow. Our usual Christmas Eve gathering, which included Papa, Chris, Wyatt, and this year added McKenna, went off without a hitch.

After personally supervising Santa's delivery, I peeked out to see what the weather was doing and was struck by the beauty of the new fallen snow, which "gave a lustre of mid-day to objects below." All is calm at 4 a.m., and this morning all was bright. This photo does not do justice to the glow.

There was no want for gifts this year, but it seems that everyone except Hannah (who is so grateful for everything) was a tad bit disappointed. I feel sad for teens and young adults whose Christmas wish list includes items that are beyond even Santa's ability to provide. I remember the transition from the huge piles of toys to the paltry boxes of shirts and practical items that are needed but fall short in providing the same "Wow" factor that the new toys of childhood did. And then again, those ungrateful twerps!!!

As we woke to the challenge of shoveling out for the second time in as many weeks, Al and I worked silently to clear the driveway while our three testosterone-laden young men slept soundly. One of these years, we decided, we are going to the Bahamas for Christmas, without any children!!

Stocking Feet...and Other Things That Make Me Happy

It's been awhile since I've posted anything about Darrin and McKenna. They're doing fine. In fact, I'd say they are doing just peachy. Last Sunday they spent the afternoon helping me put the finishing touches on the new doors on the first floor (I still need to tackle the upstairs), waiting somewhat impatiently for the big pot of vegetable soup to be cooked, watching football with Al, and generally just hangin' out.

We've decided we love McKenna, which is a good thing given how much time she is spending with Darrin. I do have one complaint, however. McKenna is one of those people who can eat like a wolverine and stay georgeously thin. A lesser person might be spiteful about that fact, but me - I just fantasize about stealing her skinny jeans.

Mostly, I'm just happy for Darrin. He seems genuinely smitten. I remember those days of gazing lovingly into Al's eyes for hours, hanging on his every word, fascinated by his every gesture. If only it could be bottled.....

If it's winter....

.....it must be wrestling season! How quickly I forget just how long tournament Saturdays are when you're sitting on bleachers for 6 hours getting your eardrum shattered by the screams of overzealous parents. David won one of his four matches, but demonstrated a lot of improvement since last season. I feel confident we will see some more wins this season.

The Snowstorm to Beat All Snowstorms

They say we haven't had a snowstorm like this since the 1970's. Yup, it was nasty! Besides giving the kids 2 1/2 show days and shutting down pretty much every business in town (except hospitals, of course), it was the source of a couple of ugly arguments.

First, there was the argument with David about why he could not drive the Mustang to go out with his friends in the middle of a blizzard. Common sense did not prevail, and he decided to walk. He was back in about 15 minutes.

Then there were the periodic short arguments between Al and I about whether or not the city ordinance about shoveling the sidewalk applied to all sidewalks except the one in front of 9419 Hickory Drive, and whether it was wiser to shovel small amounts of snow more often or wait until the storm was over and shovel one time.

But the real blow up came when I reminded Al that HE was the one who has been too cheap to buy a snow blower, to which he vowed that he was going out to buy a snowblower TODAY in the height of the storm. Luckily, there was not a snowblower left in any store in town (I say luckily because had they jacked the price up by a cool grand Al would have gladly slapped the money down.)

Anyway, things are pretty much back to winter "normal," which is lousy any way you cut it. But at least we aren't cooped up together picking fights.


Shovel vs. snow drift...I'm not sure who won.


Yes, there are steps in front of our front door...somewhere under all that snow!