Keeping it Real

So many blogs I read suffer from excessive sappiness. They convey to all of blogdom the illusion that the writer's life is one filled with raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, and bright yellow packages tied up with string. In other words, perfection. I know better. I know that even the most gallant husband occasionally farts in bed. I know that kids screw up - sometimes badly - and then argue that you're the idiot. I know that a mother's heart doesn't always swell with pride - sometimes it breaks into pieces. I know that money doesn't grow on trees, and that hard work doesn't always pay off.

You may have noticed that this blog has been dark as of late. The last few months have been a bit rough, and I've struggled with what to write when everything isn't rosey. Sister Mary Patrick's words from 2nd grade haunt me: "If you can't say something nice don't say anything." Some of you have asked what has happened to the blog, and I've claimed to be too damn busy, which is partially true. The rest of the truth is that I'm worried that you really don't want to hear me whining about my problems. But this is where we are right now, so I'm choosing to occasionally expose a bit of what is real. It may be ugly. And even stinky. Here are the facts:

• The job that Al took in August lasted about two months. It was not a good fit, so he quit and has been a stay-at-home dad since. Al has been traveling through some dark days. Walking alongside him has not been fun. Some days I don't want to do it.
• Brent still doesn't have a steady job. Though he is amazingly able to get by on nearly nothing and can tolerate conditions that most of us wouldn't, I worry about his future.
• I found out on Thanksgiving that I'm going to be a grandmother!! Darrin and McKenna are expecting in July, and I couldn't be happier! But McKenna has been so sick, and I feel so helpless to know what to do for her. I just pray the cloud lifts for her soon.
• David's enlistment date has been moved up by 2 months to January 23. He's decided he needs to cram in all the partying he can in his remaining days of freedom, and that has led to some conflict at our house. Hearing the garage door open every night at 4 a.m. doesn't give me a very good night's sleep, so I'm a little cranky at times.
• Hannah, who is almost a dream child, is sensitive to all of this. It breaks my heart to see her cry when carelessly-chosen words are spoken.
• Work is as demanding as ever - maybe moreso. 10-12 hour days are the norm, and being a boss means not every decision I make is popular. The hospital has become the safety net for every social ill, and I worry about the safety of my nurses sometimes. Being the sole bread-winner has its own set of stressors, but I am genuinely thankful that I have a job at a time when many people do not.
• Food is my drug of choice, and I've be using it a lot more as the stress level has been higher. I've packed about 15 pounds onto my already pudgy frame, resulting in my highest nonpregnant weight ever. Ugh.

Those are the things I can share. There are other things that I will not share in case I decide to run for President someday. My theme for 2012 is Victory (see yesterday's post.) Victory implies a battle. Battles are hard, and dangerous, and scary. But therecan be no victory without a battle. So into the battle we go - sometimes unwillingly; sometimes nervously; sometimes scared out of our minds; and sometimes with hopeful enthusiasm. I'm trying to make it the latter.